The importance of emotional resilience and holding space for yourself in difficult times.

Lessons I learned from the pandemic... Sometimes when everything is going wrong, it can be easy to feel like there's no point in going on or trying anymore. The pandemic was really hard for me because it created a sense of apathy and futility and I wanted to not care anymore which isn't in my nature at all. I have always cared about doing good, helping others and being of service. Experiencing these feelings was very new and I have to admit that I had never wanted to give up on things more. This was an emotionally distressing state to be in and it was 'not me.' 'To hell with it - what's the point in trying? I might as well just give up...nobody cares anyway.' These thoughts made me feel awful but there was no way I felt I could be otherwise. I felt trapped, depressed and hopeless. When we are feeling negative, that's how we perceive the world and versa. The influence of our immediate environment cannot be ignored completely but even when we are within that state, we can always hold space for ourselves. What does that mean? To me, it means keeping something sacred at the core of you that cannot be touched or influenced by the external reality we are facing. Some kind of mental or spiritual armour that enables us to keep going no matter what, no matter what challenges we face in life. Being an empath, I so easily absorb the negativity of the world around me and having that internal resilience was something I thought I had but realised I didn't have until the pandemic hit. I was honestly ready to give up on the world and on myself and that's when I realised I had pattern that had been recurring for years: I would constantly give up if faced with the the slightest setback. I would quit right then and there and never do it again. Me? A quitter? No....surely not? But it was true - and that's where a lot of my internal anger was coming from. I was living from ELOC (external locus of control) rather than ILOC (which is the internal locus of control). I had been quitting for years and had decided to blame events that were outside of my control for abandoning my projects. Of course, certain things are always beyond our control and setbacks are always inevitable at certain points in our lives but to me, it was the end of the world as I knew it which I now know, wasn't a normal reaction to have. When we are emotionally resilient, we learn to see a setback as just that - a setback. Just one chapter and not the whole book. To me, any criticism that felt unjust also felt like an unfair character assassination that would leave me feeling annihilated and worthless. I used to hate not feeling understood or for people to ignore how hard I had been working and the effort I had put in. It felt so unfair, especially if I was going to be told off for something as a consequence. I then realised that no matter what you do in life, somebody, somewhere will always ignore your hard work, not appreciate your effort, try to make you feel rubbish about yourself and that you're not good enough. People will judge you unfairly and not believe in you. It happens to everyone but to those who base the cornerstone of their identity on being valued and appreciated for their efforts by others to feel worthy - will suffer the most. When we let go of our need for validation, we tell ourselves that we already feel confident and secure within ourselves. It isn't needed but it's a bonus if someone says 'you did a good job' or 'well done.' Our emotional resilience flows from the core of our being from knowing intrinsically that we are worthy, good enough, professional, etc. despite our innate flaws and being perfectly imperfect. Nobody on this earth is perfect and trying to be perfect (as I happily discovered with a sense of relief!) is a recipe for giving up. The harder we try to be flawless, the more we beat ourselves up for anything we believe that doesn't hit the mark. Hold space for yourself to be human. To be yourself. The only person who needs to validate you - is you!